


WTFBBQ?

by Kameiko



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Banter, Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Puns & Word Play, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26840599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kameiko/pseuds/Kameiko
Summary: Planning a Friday night date over text message is not someone's forte.Medium Opt-In: Text Fic
Relationships: Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne
Kudos: 8
Collections: Fic In A Box





	WTFBBQ?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FleetSparrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleetSparrow/gifts).



SK  
Selina K

iMessage  
Today’s Date xx:xx AM/PM

 _Selina:_ Bruce? Do you need to catch a break from all this chasing you’re doing? This can’t be good for your little old heart. I know Alfred is feeding back your vital signs to you. Maybe you should listen to him more often, because I can hardly understand any of the acronyms you have sent me. “wtfbbq” and “lol”? “lol” doesn’t mean “lots of love” for you. I have no idea what it is, but I really hope you don’t have me switched to text message this time. Want some Kombucha? I picked up some up on the way over trying to escape your earthly presence.

Bruce: _I don’t like ingesting legal stomach germs while crime fighting._

_And I am asking if you “wait till Friday for Barbecue”._

_Damian told me that’s what all the dads are saying now when getting together._

_Selina:_ I am not sure if Damian is the one getting in your head or it’s his newly acquired best friend. “WTFBBQ” means “What the Fuck Barbecue” or maybe “want to fuck on the barbecue?”. Maybe missing a word or two but whatever. I know you wanted to have sex in a publicly communal living area, but I might hurt my back getting my business done on a grill. You’re conveniently avoiding the “lol” part _._

Bruce: _That’s not what I mean. You wanted to try something different with our dates._

_A barbecue outdoors with just you and I under the stars without stealing anyone else’s personal belongings._

_What do you say? I could bring some of the expensive wine, bring legally purchased cat earrings, and a bouquet of your favorite flowers propped up in a nice plastic vase._

_Selina:_ How rude that you think I would be brave enough to steal the plastic. This not much of a BBQ without the hotdogs and burgers, unless you mean something else that Damian has grilled into your head. Pun intended.

Bruce: _You’re grilling me for information, and let me tell you, your manipulation will not work on me._

_You need to ham me a bit for more information._

_The burger will make sense in burglary coming Friday._

_Selina:_ The only murder happening for the burgers are your terrible puns and wordplay. Can we go back to talking about you chasing me? I am bored sitting on this rooftop. I am looking down below and see you just sitting in your Batmobile texting away at me. I have laid out blankets on this hot tin roof, just for us. Do I need to send an emoji invitation for you to come up and say hi? If you need some foreplay persuasion, I can call me good old friends to break out of Arkham Asylum to play with you and get you in the mood.

Bruce: _It’s the middle of the night. Your hot joke only holds up during the day._

 _Selina:_ Your sense of humor doesn’t hold up anytime of the day or night cycle. Where’s your flirting funny bone?

Bruce: _It died at the office earlier today. Had a bad day. May I catch you easily tonight?_

_I don’t have the energy to try anymore puns and foreplay on the wordplay._

_I just want to nap right next to you._

_Selina:_ You’re a big softie to me, even now. Do you realize that you make me want to come down there, and make you a bowl of chicken noodle soup and fluff a pillow behind your head? It’s disgusting and I don’t like this.

Bruce: _Do you promise?_

 _Selina:_ If you want me to, but you have to promise not to send me to church or jail. If so, I’ll need more than Friday to break out for our barbecue date. Arkham prison has upped their security since my last breakout. You didn’t help by giving them recommendations how to keep me in. That’s very naughty of you.

Bruce: _That’s my way of showing my affection._

_Everyone in the universe knows you love a challenge. What other way did you want me to show my love?_

_Selina:_ Well, you could break your code of being a boy scout and adopt a cat for me. I need more feline friends.

Bruce: _Your apartment doesn’t allow cats._

 _Selina:_ See? I am giving you a miniscule breakage by forcing me to break my own lease in order to have a beautiful cat running around biting at my toes.

Bruce: _The fact that landlords still take your applications is a mystery to me._

 _Selina:_ A little public extortion gets me around.

Bruce: _Someone’s been a naughty little kitty._

 _Selina:_ We’ve both been throwing around the word “naughty” as if we know what it means tonight. Want to come up here and prove me wrong?

Bruce: _I can hear sirens in the background. A case needs me, and I can’t come up there for cuddle time._

 _Selina:_ That sounds boring. Give me a few minutes, and I will have them tied up in a jiffy.

Bruce: _I’ll leave it to you then._

_Some time has passed, and I don’t hear the police sirens anymore._

_I hear ambulance noises._

_Selina? I hear multiple ambulances._

_How many did you end up putting in the hospital for a pragmatic stance?_

_Selina?_

_Selina:_ Sorry that took longer than expected. Thank you for worrying about the people that are on their way to the ER for broken hands and realize I can take care of myself.

Bruce: _I didn’t mean for my texts to come off like that._

 _Selina:_ I’m joking. Lack of sarcasm without the backslash and s doesn’t convey well through text message. Anyways, I am standing next to your car. You going to invite me in or do I need to walk home?

Bruce: _This vehicle only holds approximately one passenger._

 _Selina:_ I am well aware of how many people can be seated in the heavily armored vehicle.

Bruce: _Then why are you asking?_

_Wait…don’t answer that. I get it. Just get in._

_Selina:_ With pleasure my dear bat.


End file.
